Breeding Men Into Monsters (short essay)
Hello wanderers of the internet. Recently I saw someone online speak about the growing prevalence of toxic masculinity, abusive behaviors, and narcissistic men, along with a growing statistic of DL men. They noted how often they are all the same demographic, and all of these traits go hand-in-hand. This connection has been on my mind in recent days, especially because I have experienced this archetype of men up-close as a domestic violence & abuse survivor. I have articulated a short deconstruction on where I think all of these traits connect at their root, and I would like to share it with you.
I believe we as a society have failed many generations of men, because we are not shaping our men by guiding them on how to "be men", but rather how NOT to be women. Expressing emotions, empathy, vulnerability, and communication are seen as feminine, and boys are degraded for it. They are told to "man up", they are told "you run like a girl", "you can't play with that, that's a girl toy", etc. Femininity is taught to be the most insulting and horrible thing you can be.
You can't lead a boy through childhood under that precedent and then expect men to grow up and actually like or respect women. You've shown them that femininity is bad, weak, and sub-human. What else is associated with being feminine? Being gay. It's another thing boys can often be degraded for or labelled as an insult for exhibiting certain behaviors, especially creative expression. This breeds insecurity and a fragmented sense of self, leading youth to question and suppress everything about themselves, especially certain interests and their sexual orientation.
That's why the statistics of abusive and predatory men are so staggering. And that is also why there is a growing trend of those same men who mistreat women to such a cruel degree often being DL homosexuals. Of course there are many men who abuse and prey upon women, and ALSO secretly mess around with other men (usually while being VERY LOUDLY homophobic to the public), when femininity and homosexuality is depicted in such a brutal way from a young age. I think this is one of the most common ways that our patriarchal society harms not only women, but men as well.
But let's take that a step further.
These traits that we belittle and bully out of these boys, are not aspects of femininity or homosexuality to begin with. Nor are they weak. They are the most crucial and essential aspects of HUMANITY. The level of empathy, vulnerability, and creativity we thrive on are what set us apart from other species on our planet. They are what make the human race as STRONG and capable as we are.
You cannot raise a boy on the idea that femininity is BAD and expect him to reach adulthood LIKING women as people.
And you cannot raise a person trying to suppress and STRIP them of all of the traits that make them most human, and then expect them to turn into anything but a MONSTER - using and abusing everything around them.
Thank you for reading. I would love to hear other’s insight on this subject.
Signing off,
- ShelbiLynn (stopitshelbi)
